MPowerment Matters

Ready to Listen, Ready to Teach

January 2008

I can recall a time in the not too distant past when I owned and operated two very busy businesses at the same time. What I at first thought was going to be a piece of cake ultimately turned into a battle for my time, my energy and perhaps even my soul. (How is that for high drama? No, this is not going to be another re-telling of the Dr. Faustus tale.)

It never entered my mind that I had bitten off too much. I just thought that I wasn’t wise to the shortcuts needed to juggle my responsibilities. I opened my mail one day and read a letter from a nearby consultant looking to set up a CEO Roundtable. His thought was to create pentagrams, groups of five CEOs to meet monthly and share experiences, learn from each other and hold each other accountable for agreed upon change.

I had always eschewed the idea of consultants, but for some reason I followed up on this letter, and after a meeting and several telephone conversations with this consultant, I signed on. The cost was fairly substantial, but a CEO can justify any expense he wants to, so I did it.

Well, to make a long story shorter, I attended for one year. I got a lot of advice, virtually all of which I chose to ignore. Once again the CEO justification reflex kicked in, and I decided that these other people, including the consultant, couldn’t possibly understand my particular businesses or my situation. I was living it and breathing it, and they just visited it for a couple hours a month for twelve months.

So, what did I do? I ignored their advice and went my own way. As I left, the consultant reminded me of something he had told me several times before when we were discussing my bent for entrepreneurialism. He said, “Remember, it is not about opportunity, it is about capability.” As I walked away, I reminded myself of what my mother had told me over and over growing up- that I could accomplish anything I wanted in life if I put my mind to it. Therefore, I knew, just knew, that capability was not an issue.

Well, how wrong I was. My lack of business background had blinded me to certain cultural and organizational obstacles that existed. My failure to truly understand the competencies needed to lead and manage both businesses, in both myself and others caused me to miss certain signals that were fairly obvious to others.


In the end, I found that I had to choose between the businesses and ended up selling one. It was only after I did that and focused on the remaining business that I truly started to understand things in greater depth and to begin to understand the complexity of organizations and the importance of leading and being a positive role model.

There is an old saying, attributed to numerous sources that “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” It certainly sounds zen-like, but it is based in our reality.

The fact of the matter is that I wasn’t ready to hear what my pentagram had to say to me. I was full of myself and what I thought I knew. I was “unconsciously incompetent”, which is about the lowest state in which a leader can exist (as opposed to consciously incompetent, unconsciously competent and consciously competent).

So, I wasn’t ready when this teacher appeared. It took many more years before I was truly ready to understand corporate culture and organizational development.

Why do we close our ears to messages we need to hear? Sometimes it is because we think we already know the answers. Other times it is because we don’t give credence to those speaking the words. What could they know about my situation? It could also be fear, denial or pure stubbornness.

One of the main tenets of strong emotional intelligence and excellent leadership is active listening. This means really and truly paying attention with your mind and your body. It means telling yourself that what others have to say is important and valuable. It means being open-minded.

An additional component of active listening is honesty. That means being honest with yourself in considering and using the information being offered to you. It means setting your ego aside. It means getting off the superficial level on which we often operate. You know what I mean. Someone asks “How is everything going?”. We automatically respond, “Just great. Couldn’t be better.” We fool ourselves into believing it.

I am not suggesting a more pessimistic outlook in life and business. I am arguing for realism. Yes, you are entrepreneurial; experienced; smart; dedicated; and hard-working. But no, you are not the most expert, most experienced and most highly developed person out there.

Once we open ourselves to learning from other people, we will discover that again and again. I have actually reached the point where I count on learning from every encounter I have. If I knew then (when I owned those two businesses) what I know now, it would have been a different situation. I would have been ready to hear and to learn from others.

So, where are you? Are you ready? If so, you will find the teacher or teachers you need to move forward in your life, to attain greater success.

And it is funny. When you reach that point, you are ready to turn that old saying around too. “When the teacher is ready, the student will appear.” Mentoring is a two way street. Knowledge is not just passed on by consultants. We all need mentors too. It is important to share those hard learned lessons with those that are ready to soak up the information.

Give and take. Take and give. Win-win. Karma. Development


Please check out my blog. I have been having fun with it and would love to get some additional dialogue going. You can visit it at www.entrepreneursmentor.net.

I have listed on the blog some of the best leadership and management books that I have read over this past year. Feel free to buy them right from the site.


Also, please note that the next Managing Partner Development Institute What You Didn’t Learn in Law School® Conference will be held in Pittsburgh, PA on April 11-12, 2008. Check it out at www.managingpartnerinstitute.org.


Are you getting the results you want? Have you achieved what you always thought you could? David Sorin has a passion for helping people use more of their potential, motivating them to achieve outstanding results. Through individual coaching and leadership development and similar work with groups and teams, David lives his purpose, working with those who have the desire to improve themselves.

With thirty years of experience as an attorney, an entrepreneur and a trusted advisor to business people, David brings a wealth of strategic vision and focus to his clients. He understands the emotions felt by those in the “hot seat”, and the pressures under which they operate. He has been there himself.

David has written a book and has spoken at a variety of national conventions and meetings. His exceptional communication skills enable him to relate to his clients on many levels and to help them achieve their goals.


Management Mpowerment Associates is working on some exciting projects with law firms, health care organizations, entrepreneurs and large companies. We work with individuals as coaches and in leadership and entrepreneurialism. We work with organizations in areas of strategic planning, culture, merger and acquisitions, succession planning, organizational development, sales development and many others. Please feel free to call and discuss your issues at absolutely no charge.

Have a great month.